this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
