I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize