WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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