i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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