it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
