I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
