i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
