Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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