News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
