it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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