found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
