toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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