A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
