hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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