I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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