I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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