Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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