We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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