Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
