Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
