If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
