No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
