Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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