sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
should my penis look like a turkey
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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