Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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