how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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