I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
