I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
