To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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