SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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