my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
