Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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