Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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