More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
