just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
