Small penises have feelings too.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it because I queefed?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize