please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
