found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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