My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
