We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
