I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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