i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
