Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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