You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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