I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
