Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
