so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
