the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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