I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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