I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
