My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
