I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
