You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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