Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
