My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
