I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
