I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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