: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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