went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You are a genius and a whore.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
