somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
