i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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