My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
