Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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