i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
