Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
