Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize