Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
