Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
