Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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