you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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