I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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