I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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