Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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