happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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