He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
