If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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