I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
