no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize