Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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