i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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