You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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