I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
