I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
