i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
