3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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