Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
