it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
