and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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