we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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