i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize