I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
