I accidentally burped into my bong.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
