My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Operation Purity has been aborted
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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