"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
