"it" just moved
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize