I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
