its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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