I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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