nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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