My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
