I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
