Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
