hotel room ftw
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
