when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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