Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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