Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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