I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
