my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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