i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
